Po Goes Postal
by Gnasher
Summary: Po goes postal on all of Teletubby Land. 'Nuff said. Rated 'R' for extreme violence.
1. Chapter 1

Po Goes Postal

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_It was a dark and rainy day, the Teletubbies didn't want to play. Later on, Po hears a loud sound, she looks out, and a giant plane hits the ground. The other Tubbies run in fright, but Po decides to make the best of the dark, rainy night. She walks outside and inspects the plane. It appears this plane has many weapons to contain. She had evil thoughts of suffering and pain, so it was time to paint Tubby Land with the other Tubbys' brains.  
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Chapter 1: 'Rator Dead, 'Rator Dead!

Narrator: "Po's eyes became red, and her teeth began to grow. She stroked the Desert Eagle until it began to glow."

Po: "What this?"

Narrator: "She aimed the gun at me... no Po, no!"

Po shot the narrator in the head. His brains splattered the surrounding area. Po giggled.

Po: "Tee-hee, 'rator dead, 'rator dead!"

Po hopped into the burned-out plane. She stripped a dead terrorist of his black uniform and put it on herself.

Po: "Tee-hee, Po look fabudous!"

Po placed the Desert Eagle in her new boot. She placed an Ak-47 on her back, a few grenades in her ruck-sack, and a combat knife in her other boot. She filled the remaining space in the ruck-sack with ammunition for her new-found weapons.

Po: "Tee-hee, Po kill other Tubbies good!"

Po's voice grew to a demonic deepness, and she had found out she had foot-long, razor-sharp claws. It was time to paint Tubby Land with a whole new color...


	2. Chapter 2

Po Goes Postal

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_It was a dark and rainy day, the Teletubbies didn't want to play. Later on, Po hears a loud sound, she looks out, and a giant plane hits the ground. The other Tubbies run in fright, but Po decides to make the best of the dark, rainy night. She walks outside and inspects the plane. It appears this plane has many weapons to contain. She had evil thoughts of suffering and pain, so it was time to paint Tubby Land with the other Tubbys' brains.  
---_

Chapter 2: Laa-laa Dead, Laa-laa Dead!

Laa-laa sat quite far away from the Tubby home. She mindlessly stared at the burned-out plane as she bounced on her ball. This is when Po struck.

Laa-laa: "Uh-oh, Po have gun! Laa-laa scare-"

Po ran a screaming Laa-laa through with her long claws. She held Laa-laa high before juggling her in the air with the Ak-47. Laa-laa's spasming body started to tear in half as blood painted the serene green grass into a more unpleasant crimson red. When the Ak-47's clip ran dry, Laa-laa's unrecognizable body dropped to the ground in a clump of intestine. Po hopped up and down in excitement.

Po: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Laa-laa dead, Laa-laa dead! Po not done yet!"

Po seperated Laa-laa's chest cavity before ripping her heart out. She sliced the heart in half like an apple before ingesting the contents with slow laps of her tongue. Po pulled some of Laa-laa's flesh up to wipe her claws clean.

Po: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Po swaggered away, leaving the scenery looking like something of nightmares, as she set off to her former Tubby house...


	3. Chapter 3

Po Goes Postal

_---_

_It was a dark and rainy day, the Teletubbies didn't want to play. Later on, Po hears a loud sound, she looks out, and a giant plane hits the ground. The other Tubbies run in fright, but Po decides to make the best of the dark, rainy night. She walks outside and inspects the plane. It appears this plane has many weapons to contain. She had evil thoughts of suffering and pain, so it was time to paint Tubby Land with the other Tubbys' brains.  
---_

Chapter 3: Jantor Dead, Jantor Dead!

Dipsy and Tinky-winky lie asleep in the Tubby house when Po crept along the edge. Po pulled a grenade out of her ruck-sack as she climbed to the top of the house.

Po: "Wake up, Tubbies!"

Po tossed the grenade down the hole. It slid down the slide and stopped against the wall with a 'clink'. This woke the Noo-noo up.

Noo-noo: "Slurp-slurp-slurp!"

The unsuspecting vacuum cleaner sucked up the grenade, and a few seconds later, the vacuum inflated with a loud 'boom'. The Teletubbies had not died and Po was getting pissed off.

Po: "No, Noo-noo, no!"

Po popped a fresh clip into the Ak-47 as she hopped down into the hole. She slid down the slide, spraying the area with bullets. The other Teletubbies sprung awake and ran around in circles like morons.

Dipsy: "Dipsy 'fraid!"

Tinky-winky: "Tinky-winky 'fraid!"

Suddenly, a back-up narrator came through the door... actually, it was just the janitor coming to steal the narrator's wallet. He noticed his heroes were in danger!

Janitor: "Run to the teleporter, Teletubbies!"

Po turned toward the janitor and she blasted through the screen to send the janitor flying into the wall. She kept firing as the janitor's body shredded to pieces in a similar manner as Laa-laa's.

Po: "Po want kill, Po want kill, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

When the clip once again ran dry, Po blasted the janitor's head off with a quick-drawn Desert Eagle. The janitor's corpse looked like a mixture of apple-sauce and torn, bloody rope when the pieces splattered on the ground.

Po: "Jantor dead, jantor dead, but it's time for Tubby bye-bye!"

Po turned around to find the Teletubbies gone. She grunted with rage before hopping into the teleporter after her former Tubby house-mates. As for the rest of the remaining Tubbies, they were lost in the Tubby forest, fearing for their lives...


	4. Chapter 4

Po Goes Postal

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It was a dark and rainy day, the Teletubbies didn't want to play. Later on, Po hears a loud sound, she looks out, and a giant plane hits the ground. The other Tubbies run in fright, but Po decides to make the best of the dark, rainy night. She walks outside and inspects the plane. It appears this plane has many weapons to contain. She had evil thoughts of suffering and pain, so it was time to paint Tubby Land with the other Tubbys' brains.  
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Chapter 4: Massacre in Tubby forest

The Tubby forest was not shown on the show because it might've put the show out of business. This place was a hole. The strange, Q-tip-like trees were blackened by a fine soot from regular forest fires caused by cracks in the earth, seething with molten lava. The heavy smell of rotten eggs oozed its way through the yellow-orange sky, partially blocked by a thin layer of ash. There was no rainfall whatsoever- just ash, and the occasional carcass of an animal that got too close to the fiery geysers that erupted from the earth over years of underground formation. Animals that strayed into the Tubby forest would die very quickly from lack of water and food, the horrible stench of rotting flesh, disease, and now, Po. Animals would be driven insane by the inhospitable environment, and would often resort to eating their own limbs in a last-ditch effort to end their suffering.

A very common disease caused by the various evil spider-like Tubbrachnids, is none other than the feared Tubberculosis. The bite of these spiders would prove fatal to even the most stalwart adventurer. The venom would line the trachea of the victim, causing blockage in the throat. Soon, bubbles of flesh would form. Death would soon follow. As the victim would try to vomit, the combination of blood, pus, bile, and venom would inflate the flesh bubbles. As the victim tries to gasp "somebody...please...kill me...", their head would explode in a vicious shower of brain and teeth. Anything unfortunate enough to get caught in the blast would fall victim to the disease. A very common practice of these arachnids would be to digest any mammal they can find, and spin their webs out of fresh skin cells. The pus of the victim would be the sticky solution that traps anything obstinate enough to investigate the strange web structure out of curiosity.  
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Po materialized in the Tubby forest; she grinned as the smell of death and brimstone settled in her nose.

Po: "Po...home."

Po picked up the skull of a dead rabbit, and went behind the husk of a bush to do...'I don't think you want to know...'

After an hour of doing 'I don't think you want to know...', a Tubbrachnid approached Po quietly from behind. Po did not hear the click of the giant spider's legs on the barren ground- she was too busy admiring the unforgiving landscape...not to mention, it was 2 o'clock in the fuckin' morning! The spider pinned Po to the ground and began making a web out of the rabbit whose skull Po did 'I don't think you want to know...' with.

: "No! No kill Po!"

Po: "Tinky-winky save Po?"

Dipsy had come out of hiding. His heart was too pure and his head was too empty to leave Po to die.

Dipsy: "No, Dipsy save Po!"

Dipsy charged the spider with an un-menacing 'grr', fell a couple times, and became distracted by the shape of the trees before falling into Po's trap. The blood on Po's body made it easy to slip off the web. Dipsy landed gut-first onto the web, becoming entangled as he flailed frantically to escape. Po drew a combat knife.

Po: "Tubbrachnid hungy, right?"

Po took the serrated edge of the combat knife to Dipsy's antennae. She began sawing away as the Tubbrachnid looked on at its meal. Dipsy cried like a baby before Po snapped off the antennae like a twig. The spider gobbled the antennae up, right out of its master's hand.

Po: "Me use Dipsy as lured! Make Tinky-winky fall into trap!"

To be continued... 


End file.
